On Success:

"Many of life's failures are people who did
not realize how close they were to success
when they gave up.

- Thomas A. Edison

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You meet online...
...hrm, he sounds interesting
You talk on the phone...

...hey, we connected nicely!

You meet in person...
...Woo hoo! My future ex-husband!
You tell him your "no sex on the first date" rule...
...You screw your brains out on the first date
You ask him out again...
...He says yes and actually shows up!!
ou hug your pillow at night...
...and pretend its him (no humping!)
You wake up smiling...
...and he's not even there in bed with you!)
You leave a toothbrush at his place...
...and extra underwear
You start smiling when you cook...
...for him.
You get butterflies...
...just at the very thought of him
You start singing real loud in the shower...
...don't care if the neighbors hear you
You start writing poetry...
...for the first time in years!
You meet his sister...
You start to practically live at his place...
...but still keep your place
You kiss him...
...and totally forget where you are
You finally say...
...I love you
You finally decide it's time to cut expenses...
...and move in together
And, over time, you learn to really love him...
...despite who he is :)

Check out this great advice on building your online profile from a Manhunt advice column. Funny as hell!

Dear Jealous:

You remind me of the story about the twenty-something who comes into the
confessional and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest
says, "What is it, my son?" The guy says, "Father, I have committed the
sin of vanity. Twice a day, and sometimes more, I gaze at myself in the
mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest pauses, leans in
closer to get a better look and says, "My son, I have good news. That
isn't a sin. It's a mistake."

My point, and I do have one, is that maybe you’re looking at the mirror
and making a mistake.

I kid. You’re plenty good-looking. Your profile? Not so much. I took a
look at it and, well, it’s pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that it reminded
me of Mink Stole’s immortal line in Female Trouble: "I wouldn’t suck
your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your
balls." Here’s what you need to turn things around and get Mink and the
boys knocking on your cyber door:

Show your face. Profiles with face shots get more hits. And guess what?
You don’t have face shots in your profile. Here’s what most people would
think if they saw your headless body.

It must be hard for you to chew food without a mouth

You’re a closet case who’s going to make them sign a confidentiality
agreement before they go home with you

You’ve probably got a face that’d knock a buzzard off a gut wagon

You’re somebody’s boyfriend and you don’t want him or his friends seeing
you online.

Would you expect guys to approach you in a bar if they couldn’t see your
face? Then why would you expect guys online to do it? Put your face pics
in your profile and I promise your hit rate will go up.

Smile in your photos. Smiling is the second best thing you can do with
your lips. It’s also a shortcut to the bedroom. Think about it—would you
ever approach somebody in a bar if they had a sneer that would scare
Satan’s jackals? Of course not. A smile is an invitation. Think of it as
the welcome mat to your crotch.

Be Kind. Your profile says you’re “Disease free and intend to stay that
way.” That’s not only insulting to HIV+ guys but to their their negative
friends as well. If HIV is that big an issue for you (and it shouldn’t
be—ever heard of safer sex?) then at least write, “Please be HIV
negative. Thanks.” Ask for what you want without being cruel. The same
goes for that awful “no fats or fems” line you’ve got in there. How
about, “Prefer lean and masculine guys?”

There’s such a thing as Online Karma. Fix your profile and our Karma
will stop running

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Email: mike@bigdaddybear.com